Feedback

Now that you have gotten feedback from a real audience, you can see what a difference there is between feedback and great feedback. When you comment on this post, please answer the following questions in complete sentences. Make sure to really share some great thinking.

1. How did you feel about the feedback you got?
2. Does this feedback help you see why it is so important to be specific?
3. Please describe the feedback you wish you received.

Here is an example answer so that you can see what kind of comments I expect:


Ms. Vander Velde,

I did not feel good about the feedback I got because I did not really learn much. I do not think I can improve my story with the feedback I received. I can see that it is important to be specific. When people just write "nice job" it makes me feel like they really didn't have anything to say about my story. It's almost as if they didn't even listen to me when I read my piece. I know that some parents had a hard time since they didn't know what to write, and I know that some parents had a hard time writing in English, but I definitely have some ideas about the feedback I wish I received. I wish that people had written specific feedback that told me more about how to make my writing better, or told me more about what was great in my piece.

Your friend,
Johnny


Now, please go ahead and comment. Use my example as an example. Please do not just copy what I wrote. Use your own words and your own thoughts.
Thanks!~ Ms. Vander Velde

Story Elements

Dear class,
I would like for you to think about the book "Jumanji" by Chris Van Allsburg and tell me what the story elements are.

Internal/External Story

Our class has been talking about internal and external stories - and how great personal narratives have a bit of both. In this excerpt from Sandra Cisneros' story, Papa Who Wakes Up Tired In The Dark, which parts of the story are internal, and which are external?

Your abuelito is dead, Papa says early one morning in my room. Esta muerto, and then as if he just heard the news himself, crumples like a coat and cries, my brave papa cries. I have never seen my Papa cry and don't know what to do.I know he will have to go away, that he will take a plane to Mexico, all the uncles and aunts will be there, and they will have a black and white photo taken in front of the tomb with flowers shaped like spears in a white vase because this is how they send the dead away in that country. Because I am the oldest, my father has told me first, and now it is my turn to tell the others. I will have to explain why we can't play. I will have to tell them to be quiet today. My Papa, his thick hands and thick shoes, who wakes up tired in the dark, who combs his hair with water, drinks his coffee, and is gone before we wake, today is sitting on my bed. And I think if my own Papa died what would I do. I hold my Papa in my arms. I hold and hold and hold him.

Again, I ask: What parts of the story are internal, and what parts of the story are external? Please comment with your answers.
Make sure to explain your thinking and use more than one sentence.

Thanks!
Ms. Vander Velde